Working Girl

I've been having a rough time lately - I won't lie. Nobody ever said it was easy running your own business. It is going well, but it is still a tough transition to go from a full time, full benefit salary job to working for yourself. I pray every day that it will pay off - and I don't just mean financially - I mean for my own, and family's own, peace of mind. It has been incredibly hard going from a dual income household to a practically single income one. Think I can pay down my credit cards now? Hardly. I can just make a little more than the minimum each month...not to mention having to pay for our household bills (which Dave mostly takes care of) and health insurance. Dave is a self-employed contractor for a company (with annual contracts) and while a perk is that he gets to work from home, we sometimes suffer not having the benefits we used to have.

After Autumn was born (nearly 15 months ago), I was given nearly 12 weeks maternity leave by my old company. We, my company and I, had come to an agreement that I would work right up through the end of my maternity and then resign. (The commute was too far and to be honest, I had had my share of that position.) While on maternity leave, I started picking up freelance work here and there. It absolutely terrified me to have to leave my baby to go back to work full time. I nearly had panic attacks while on interviews, just thinking about leaving her to sit in some office all day. She needed me and I cried every time I thought about leaving her to go to work. So I went on unemployment for a while, while I perused my options. And it turns out I started getting more and more freelance work - so Soleil, Dad, and I decided to turn it into a business.

It's going well, but the money isn't exactly rolling in where we get to take home decent pay just yet. Right now I am working out of the home 3 days a week at my office, while my sister watches Autumn. I am very grateful I can make my own schedule, be home when I need to, and be there for my baby girl more often than I could working full time for somebody else. It's just hard. Autumn is now at the age where she wants to play, go out, explore the world - and I am sitting here practically tied to my computer. Frankly, if I don't work every day, I don't make money. And that rationale is constantly nagging at me.

I wonder if in my life, I'll ever feel 100% content. I think the way things are, is God's way of telling me that no, things will never be perfect. But I have to look around and see what I do have - and what is working for me. I have to remember that I have a baby girl, a husband, a family, friends, two great pugs, a home... I have to stop fearing that I'm going to lose it all. Because what I really am losing is the joy of living life every day.

Thankful on this Mother's Day

There is no greater joy in the world than being a mother. Experiencing my baby's birth, watching her grow beautifully, dreaming huge dreams for her, doing my absolute best to give her a wonderful life, and shape her into a loving, caring individual - motherhood is without a doubt the best thing that has happened to me - and the most inspiring blessing in the world.

I love you, Autumn Laura! Thank you for making me the happiest, proudest mother on Earth. You are so beautiful, and smart, and are just growing so fast and learning so much every day. Not a day goes by where I don't just stop and look at you and thank God for you.

When I hug you I never want to stop. When I see you cry I wipe away your tears and try to hold back my own. When I hear you laugh, my soul is filled with joy. When you rest your head upon my chest, I want to bottle up the feeling I have and sell it to the world so everyone can be as happy as I am when you are with me. When I watch you learn and explore new things, I feel so proud of you, my little one. Motherhood is truly the greatest love of all. My child, my heart, my everything.

Oy...my gripes of the week

Hey, what better place to get out my (daily, weekly) aggravation than my blog? Yeah, I have my diary, but unfortunately this computer sits in front of me way more than my diary and pen do...

I can tell with my shortness of breath this week that I am overstressing. So here's my exercise for the day...I'm going to list one by one everything that is on my mind...

1.) Millridge Manor (won't go further into this, in the sake of them being a client of my business')
2.) Planning our trip to Atlanta that is just a little more than a month away...we're driving down...are we nuts?
3.) The business - building the business.
4.) Money, money, it's always about money (wish we lived in a world where money didn't matter)
5.) Flab - it's almost swimsuit season and my body is totally not prepared. But the good thing about it is, with daily Denise Austin, it's getting closer to ideal (hey, I should give myself more credit - I had a baby)
6.) Worrying about money and flab. There are FAR bigger problems than these in this world...and I feel selfish for griping about these pretty much minor ones.
7.) SINUS PROBLEMS - ugh, go away!!
8.) Not enough time in the day. Each night before I go to bed, instead of giving myself props for what I got DONE that day, I instead make a mental list of what DID NOT get done. (first thing, my daughter's scrapbook. I feel so guilty that I'm always working and not putting it aside to do the scrapbook highlighting her first year.)

Ok, I'm done. Do I feel better? A tad. :)

Kudos to Cloth Diapers

Yay, I am so excited! I finally took the plunge and ordered cloth diapers for my baby girl! She will be more comfortable, and I will feel better knowing I am helping the environment. I think a lot of moms get overwhelmed (or disgusted) when thinking about cloth diapers, but it's not the 1950s anymore - it's 2007! And cloth diapers are so cute, and convenient, and will save parents a lot of money in the long run.

So thank you to my friend and neighbor Stacey for getting me going on this. I just needed that kick in the butt to get me going.

You probably think my life is sad over me getting excited about cloth diapers. Trust me, it isn't. I have so much going on right now, it's a wonder I'm even taking a break to write on my blog.

Does anyone even read this blog? I have to start promoting it I guess...I eventually want this to be a tool where I can promote my business, my friends' businesss, and businesses like KatiesKisses.com where I ordered my very cute cloth diapers today!