Otis...please come back...please

I can't stop seeing my beloved Otis' happy face...and then his face
when he died...I can't stop blaming myself for not protecting him
enough to stay away from that road. We live on a dead end street
with virtually no traffic and he never went in the road. I can't
stop crying hard whenever my husband cries. I can't stop feeling
sorry for my other pug, Isabelle, who, every time we open the front
door, has this look of hope on her face that Otis will be coming
through the door. I can't help but to cry when my two year old
daughter says "Otie is in the sky." I can't even look at his grave
where we buried him. I can't look at his bed, his toys, his dishes.
I can't wash the little shirt he used to wear when he was a bad boy
and did pee pee in the house.

I can't ever be whole without Otis back in my life.

I ordered a book on the afterlife for animals today...I need
comfort...I need to know that my good boy is okay...I need to know
he sees us and how much we miss him and love him.

I need to know I will be able to laugh and be silly again. This
house seems so serious now without our little clown.

Decorating in blue soon...

On April 21, we found out that we will be blessed with a baby boy! Dave, Autumn and I saw our baby Brady on the ultrasound, and like I was with Autumn, I felt so incredibly blessed and amazed at the little life inside me. I am so happy to be giving my little girl a baby brother, and that God is blessing me with one of each. I will have my girl and my boy...

Dave is really happy, too. Another little sports fan to have in his eyes. :o)

I can't believe I'm already five months along...my bouncing baby boy will be here before we know it! And we are planning a homebirth - very exciting!

Quick Vent

Wow, I have not written in a loooooooooooong time, but I guess that coincides well with my last post "Not enough time," right?? Anyway, I'm working from home today - my usual Friday - and as a diversion from work, wanted to write a little venting post about a couple things irking me:

1.) Dirtbikes - the neighbor next door and his damned dirtbikes. I mean, get a life, get a job, get out of your parents' house! The dirtbike is so loud and is stirring my pugs and is about to wake up my precious sleeping daughter. Don't you understand, as a working from home mom nap times are CRUCIAL??

2.) Incompetent people - I had to go to a state office today to drop off paperwork and the girl was SO dumb and SO rude, she had no idea what to do with what I gave her (and believe me, even I could have figured it out) and then when I asked her to make copies for me of what she was mailing, she gave me such an attitude, and a "My machine is broken, and I am not going to go upstairs to make more copies, and I have people waiting behind you," and I'm like "HELLO, this is your job, isn't it?" Isn't this what the state is paying you for? You lazy piece of...

I think that's it for now. Sorry, it must be the pregnancy hormones........