My rants of the day

I guess this is the perfect place to write everything that has been bogging me down lately:

1.) Sinus problems - I think I may have an infection. And hence the partial reason for my dizziness lately.
2.) Tax season - yep, hubby and I owe this year. The one thing that isn't so great about being self-employed...
3.) Companies/businesses not writing back - there is a plethora of freelance writing jobs online, and I apply to at least 3 per day. I understand I won't get every job - but please, people, be courteous and at least send a generic response back!

The Simple Pleasures

Thank God spring weather is finally here! I've felt so guilty lately - keeping the baby and my pugs indoors. But today we all went outside (me, Autumn (my baby), and my two pugs) to play. The weather was cool, crisp, and pleasant. Autumn watched as the pugs did their thing (potty) and laughed the whole time. Every time I hear her laugh, my heart fills with joy, and an instant smile is brought to my face. When the pugs finished their business, I got them in the playing mood. The four of us were running around the yard, as Autumn shrieked with glee. The pugs released all of the energy, and once they were tired out came the pig snort panting they're famous for. I just felt exhilarated being outdoors in my own backyard with my three children. It's these times in life that I am most grateful for. The simple things. My daughter's laugh. My pugs' snorts. Playing outdoors in the spring. Thank you God for these simple pleasures.

Ending my friendship with fear

I have such a hard time relaxing. I don’t know what it is. I feel like everything is (somewhat) in control, and I know that things that aren’t in my control are totally in God’s…so why can’t I just relax and simply enjoy myself? Why do I find it so hard to be content with the day to day, and not dwell on the future? Of course, one should always look into the future. But not dwell on it and worry about it. When am I going to realize that worrying won’t do a thing but take away the beauty of the precious moments that exist for me here and now? Why can’t I ever be happy to the point where some voice in the background isn’t telling me that something bad will happen eventually; that happiness is short lived? I know, deep down, that it all stems down to losing my mother at age 5, in a tragic, unpredictable accident. And ever since, as my friend Nikki so eloquently put it, fear has become my friend. And it’s so hard to let go of it. Without fear, I feel vulnerable. Fear has me fooled that if I’m not constantly worrying, then somehow if something bad did happen, I totally would not be prepared. But really, can fear prepare me? No, what it can do is steal the joy I hold onto this very moment. Fear makes me anxious, it makes me afraid to live. It takes away my freedom. Today, I’m ending my relationship with you, fear. I have nothing to fear but fear itself…so cliché, but so true for me. Dear Fear…it’s over.

Finally getting personal

This is my first blog entry EVER. I know, I'm a little late in the game. I used to be so expressive with my writing - as a girl, a teenager, and during my college days. It wasn't until entering the workforce that my writing became part of my career, and more like a chore than anything. Slowly my writing decreased from daily to weekly entries in my diary or journal, to monthly jot downs, to pretty much nothing. But not a single day goes by where I don't think of writing, and since I'm on the computer working all the time, I thought, now is the time to start my blog. I want to write from my heart, and not just for a paycheck. I want to stop limiting my writing abilities to just mundane work assignments, and do what I really want to do. Obviously I will continue, and want to continue, writing for work, but writing for myself is a fire in my heart that has been waiting years to be ignited. And why do I continue to keep putting it off? I need to listen to my soul, instead of responding to my fears. I need to find God, instead of seeking help from doctors or the Internet on the state of my emotional well being. Through writing I will release my fears, express my joy, and find my soul.