Ending my friendship with fear

I have such a hard time relaxing. I don’t know what it is. I feel like everything is (somewhat) in control, and I know that things that aren’t in my control are totally in God’s…so why can’t I just relax and simply enjoy myself? Why do I find it so hard to be content with the day to day, and not dwell on the future? Of course, one should always look into the future. But not dwell on it and worry about it. When am I going to realize that worrying won’t do a thing but take away the beauty of the precious moments that exist for me here and now? Why can’t I ever be happy to the point where some voice in the background isn’t telling me that something bad will happen eventually; that happiness is short lived? I know, deep down, that it all stems down to losing my mother at age 5, in a tragic, unpredictable accident. And ever since, as my friend Nikki so eloquently put it, fear has become my friend. And it’s so hard to let go of it. Without fear, I feel vulnerable. Fear has me fooled that if I’m not constantly worrying, then somehow if something bad did happen, I totally would not be prepared. But really, can fear prepare me? No, what it can do is steal the joy I hold onto this very moment. Fear makes me anxious, it makes me afraid to live. It takes away my freedom. Today, I’m ending my relationship with you, fear. I have nothing to fear but fear itself…so cliché, but so true for me. Dear Fear…it’s over.